Because of You
by 1000th Ghost
Summary: Because of him, Jane could not leave, love, or forget.


Because of You

By: 1000th Ghost

_I will not make the same mistakes that you did_

He had given in too easily. It didn't matter how much he loved her. It wasn't right.

_I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery_

Did he honestly expect her to stay? He knew she would never give in. What good would it do to suffer in his presence, knowing she couldn't have him?

_I will not break the way you did, you fell so hard_

She was torturing him. She was torturing herself too, but that didn't matter. He couldn't live without her. She was allowing his despair.

_I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far_

But it could be prevented. She could go back. But she wouldn't let herself.

_Because of you I've never strayed too far from the sidewalk_

And yet, she wouldn't let herself leave.

_Because of you I've learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt_

As long as she wasn't too far, she could let the idea safely play in her mind.

_Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me_

She couldn't even let them know her name. One false move, and he would know where she was. But what did she have to fear more: them or her own temptation?

_Because of you I am afraid_

Why was she resisting so? Would it really matter to just let him, and herself, be happy? Why couldn't she just go back? No! That was just the kind of thought that would ruin her.

_I lose my way, and it's not too long before you point it out_

And then there was St. John. He knew of her troubles and, as her cousin, felt it his duty to lead her to a better path. Missionary work. And marriage.

_I can not cry because I know that's weakness in your eyes_

She supposed her thought he was doing good. But could he not see how much he was tormenting her? Never able to laugh, cry, show any emotion in his presence?

_I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh, everyday of my life_

But she needed to forget him. Mr. Rochester could no longer be the deciding factor in her life. Therefore, she had to except this new life with a smile. She had to. Right?

_My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with _

What was she gaining by staying?! She knew perfectly well that her love, if that was what it had been, could never be. Mr. Rochester had a wife. What more was there to do?

_Because of you I've never strayed too far from the sidewalk_

_Because of you I've learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt_

_Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me_

_Because of you I am afraid_

Was she forced to live her whole life this way?!

_I watched you die_

She was selfish to even think of herself at all. If she felt this way, she could only imagine what he felt like!

_I heard you cry every night in your sleep_

Everyday she wondered: where was he? What was he doing? Was he okay? Could he survive without her?

_I was so young_

Why was _she _the one he had to love? A girl less than half his age with no experience in virtually anything, much less matters of the heart.

_You should have known better than to lean on me_

What was he thinking? Why had he trusted his heart to a little girl who could do nothing but break it?

_You never thought of anyone else_

How dare he expect her to obey him! Did he ever once stop and consider her feelings?

_You just saw your pain_

Yes, she knew how much he was suffering, he had made that evident. But what about her? Didn't he know that this was hurting her too?

_And now I cry in the middle of the night doing the same damn thing_

He had every right to overlook her feelings! She was doing the exact same thing to him but worse. _She _was the one causing his pain.

_Because of you I've never strayed too far from the sidewalk_

_Because of you I've learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt_

But what else could she do?!

_Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything_

She had to get him out of her mind. By any means possible. She couldn't allow herself to continue living this lie.

_Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in_

But how could she marry St. John? She couldn't! She didn't love him!

_Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty_

She could never love anyone else because, regardless of everything, she still loved him. No matter what she did, her life would never be more than an empty mockery of a doomed love.

_Because of you I am afraid_

Why was she so afraid? Because she knew that all he had to do was call her, and she would come running back.

_Because of you_

Back to him, to love, to life.

_Because of you_

He called. "I am coming! Wait for me! Oh, I will come!" She could resist no longer.

The End


End file.
